Childhood Memories

Bittersweet.. its the first time after so long that he peeled prawns for me. in the many years that followed, i have come to not expect anything from him. The cooking style has changed, or so he claimed. We never used to have fish and prawns when we lived there. it was always only mommie who cooked the good stuff for us. the steam fish, prawns , veg and soup which he cooked was meant as an avenue he showed affection and care for us, the way the older generation expressed themselves. An elaborated meal by his standards..

Having a meal there, at the same home of yester years.. mixed emotions. for we have betrayed her, her love and her unconditional giving to us both by having a meal with him. but he will always be linked to us both. we have moved far far away with the passing of time but the locked memories of the past resurfaced yesterday.. in the familar place i used to call home. the person whom should have been part of my life and bros. he has aged significantly. it takes time to mend broken bridges, for he has been absent from a major part of our growing up years. its not easy, and the guilt at betraying mommie weighs greatly on moi.

He commented that he was the one who cared for us when we were younger, when mom mom cared only for other things. its the self delusion of an elderly person? i dun noe and dun wanna dwell too much into the past, for i have moved on and so have bro. no one is wrong in such matters, he has his flaws and to moi, mom mom is the person who brought me up. but, he too.. in the gap years that mom mom lived elsewhere. Its too late to comment on what has passed, whose faults it was.

Mixed feelings. Sadness.. bittersweet..for in the many years that followed, we had taken him completely out of our lives. its not easily to establish relationships, even harder to mend broken ones. but we are trying.. for i noe he cared deeply for bro and bro does care for him too. He has also moved on , his is a simple life with a new partner that suits him. am glad that he has someone who loves him and takes care of him. at least he is not a lonely man. for we can only see him occassionally. i dread breaking mom mom's heart, but he is kin too.. and an old man trying to find back his children. whatever wrong doings in the past, is past and no one's fault. hmm.. an awkard relationship this is.